Monday, August 20, 2007

Madden NFL 08: For the non-fan!




Developer: EA Tiburon
Publisher: EA
Released on: August 14, 2007
System: If you can play games on it, you can get Madden on it!
ESRB Rating: E
Review based on: Xbox 360
Official Website: Madden NFL 08

The Scoop: The 2008 version of EA's yearly NFL football game.

Hitting Start...

  • "Please pick your favorite team." Trouble already. I'm Canadian and not really a football fan.*
  • The trophy room looks pretty cool. It's got a little stand in the middle for Superbowl rings with a Saints logo (my new favorite team!) in the middle.
  • Oh here we go. I've got to hit start to bring the menus up. All looks pretty clean and simple.
  • I start a game right away. I'll worry about season mode or franchise mode or what ever the hell it's called later on.
  • Lots of pretty loading screens outlining the features new to this years game. None of which really mean anything to me since the last football game I played to any extent was about 3 years ago on last generations hardware.
  • Finally into the action. The player models look fantastic as do the player animations. The sidelines look a little lifeless but it's a minor complaint in my opinion.
  • I let John Madden pick my plays starting off as I expect he knows more about football than I do!
  • I go though the motions getting the hang of how it all works. It's pretty standard for a beginner. Snap the ball with "A" pick a guy and throw the ball to his corresponding button. Run it and juke, jump, spin and stiff arm your way as far down the field as you can get. (I'm aware the controls can be a lot more complex than that and I'll pick it up in time)
  • It's half time and I'm getting my ass handed to me! Maybe the AI John Madden doesn't know what he's doing after all!

...Time to get some Cheetoes and settle in for the second half



Am I impressed?: Yes
How come?: I'm not a football fan but I do enjoy sports video games. I'm the kind of guy who only picks up a Madden game every two or three years and still hadn't jumped onto next-gen Madden. It seems like this year with a 2K football game looming, though still not a NFL game, EA picked up the slack and worked hard to make a better Madden. If you play every year give it a rent and try it out. You may be surprised. But if you're a guy like me and only play every couple of years you should definitely check it out. I think you'll be impressed.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Age of Empires: The Age of Kings


Developer: Backbone Entertainment
Publisher: Majesco
Released on: February 14, 2006
System Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E10+
Review based on: Rented retail copy.
Official Website

The Scoop: A turn-based port of the PC version of Age of Empires II: Age of Kings. Research technologies, advance out of the Dark Ages, build stuff, and smite your enemies!

Hitting Start...
  • I'm lame, so I hit up the tutorial first off.
  • The tutorial starts with me controlling the French and their "heroine" Joan of Arc. I try to stifle my enthusiasm.
  • The first part of the tutorial is pretty basic—learn to move your units. Instructions are provided to me by my comrade, Jean de Metz. I like the art style; the portrait of Jean de Metz looks like a medieval tapestry.
  • I don't like the unit graphics. They look a little deformed. I know inbreeding was big during the time, but come on!
  • Moving units is a simple affair: touch the unit with the stylus and select where you want it to move. Terrain affects movement as well as your attack strength. Aha! Strategic elements are starting to bubble to the surface.
  • My primary goal is to move my units to the city of Chifon. Aside from primary goals, each scenario has bonus goals that when met, unlock "Empire Points", which you use to buy stuff that should have been unlocked right from the get go.
  • Enemy militia are blocking the river—attack Joan! My calvary gets a combat bonus because it is attacking from flat terrain. An animation of the two sides battling plays in the top screen. The graphics are hideous. And for some reason, it reports that I have killed all the militia, yet two of them remain standing in the top screen. Maybe I took them prisoner?
  • I finally reach Chifon. "I have never taken so long to ride to Chifon before!" Shut-up Jean.
  • I continue on with the tutorial. Now I'm learning how to use different types of units. Some units are better at fighting certain units, and they get a bonus. For example, spearmen get a bonus when attacking calvary. Siege units get a bonus when attacking cities. Combine that with terrain bonuses and you have a hearty little strategy game here. I like it!
  • Jean: "You ride well for a peasant girl." Uhhh..thanks? (What's this game rated again?)
  • Now I'm learning about using my villagers to construct unit-training buildings. This game feels a lot like the PC version of Age of Empires, but in a turn-based form. I'm liking this.
  • Time to select a technology to research. Gotta pick "The Loom"! How the hell can we all be snazzy dressers without that?!
  • Now I am tasked to bitch-slap the English. "I shall fart in your general direction!"
  • I research a couple of more techs, and I "Age Up" to the next age.
  • I can see a problem with units becoming too crowded on the map screen. When they are bunched together, it's hard to pick the one you want. It's equally hard to tell it to move to the right square. Thank God there's an "Undo Move" option.
  • I've built some archers, spearmen, men-at-arms, and I have Joan. Time to get all "Napoleon" on their ass! "My loyal Frenchman....SURRENDER! I mean...ATTACK!"
...and I want to keep beating on the bloody English!

Am I impressed? Oui! Tres impressed!
How come? Great turn-based strategy game; a large number of units; lots of techs to research; and it has wireless and hotseat multiplayer.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Trauma Center: Under the Knife


Developer: Atlus
Publisher: Atlus
Released on: October 4, 2005
System Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: Teen (T)
Review based on: Rented retail copy.
Official Website

The Scoop: Play "Doctor" and operate on helpless victims patients.

Hitting Start...
  • Hope Hospital: where the patients need to "hope" I don't botch their surgery (ha ha).
  • A bad car accident means I get to try my hand at my first "operation". Yay!
  • The bottom DS screen shows the patients arm, which is filled with glass shards. I'm supposed to remove the glass shards and suture the wounds. I'm sounding like a Doctor already!
  • My helpful nurse on the top screen tells me what do to. She's like my wife that way. Select the forceps tool and use the stylus to pull out the glass shards. Eezy-peezy.
  • You didn't say I had to pull them out in a certain direction! Whoops!
  • I dropped the glass shard back onto the patient rather than in the surgical tray. Now my nurse is yelling at me. Sheesh! Cut me some slack; it's my first day!
  • Ewwww, blood! I have to select the suction tool to suck up the excess blood. Drawing the stylus upwards vacuums up the blood. Sluuuuurp!
  • Alright, I've taken care of the shards, now to suture the wounds. Select the suture tool and draw a zigzag pattern over the wound. No problem.
  • Somehow, something as simple as drawing a "zigzag", is beyond my capabilities. No wonder my Mom told me to forget about med school.
  • Managed to close up the wound, but my nurse is really letting me have it now. Chill out *@$#%!
  • "Vitals dropping" Oh crap, this is getting intense! Need to move fast and seal up these other wounds.
  • The patients vitals are low, but I can "boost" them back up by injecting the patient with some green stuff. I need some green stuff right about now. I like how you have to use the stylus to "draw" the fluid into the syringe. This game makes great use of the touchscreen controls.
  • Now I have to remove glass shards that are within the patient's arm. Scalpel time!
  • I select the antibiotic gel and rub it on the incision area with the stylus. Then I select the scalpel and draw a straight incision. Steady....steady!
  • The view "zooms in" to the opened arm where I can see more glass shards. Now that I know what I'm doing, I make quick work of those. My nurse thinks I'm great.
  • Time to close up. I suture the incision on my first try. My nurse is ecstatic.
  • I rub gel into the stitches and then bandage the wound with the stylus. Operation complete!
  • My score is tallied and the game rates my performance. I get a "C - Rookie Doctor". Come on, at least I didn't KILL him!
...send in the next patient!

Am I impressed? I am clinically impressed.
How come? Fun game, great use of the touchscreen, and some intense moments. And there's something inherently cool about cutting open people and removing things.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Titan Quest: Immortal Throne




Developer: Iron Lore Entertainment
Publisher: THQ
Released on: 03/02/07
System PC
ESRB Rating: TEEN
Review based on: Full version of Titan Quest with the Immortal Throne expansion recently released on STEAM
Official Website
The Scoop: Diablo meets Greek mythology in this new twist on a classic idea.


Hitting Start...

  • My character is standing at a dock in a classic Diablo top down view. Heh, He's wearing a toga.
  • Tutorial tips are popping up in the corner. Very helpful.
  • Click mouse on open land, walk to location clicked, rinse and repeat. Seems simple enough.
  • Hey there's a guy standing next to a shack with a yellow exclamation point over his head. I've played enough World Of Warcraft to know what that means.
  • Just as I thought. He's got a quest for me. Seems his horse is about to be attacked by monsters. Guess I better help him out. He's the only other guy around after all. Who's going to tell me where to go next if I don't.
  • I click my character though a field. There are lots of really nice graphical touches from the lighting to the long grass being pushed aside as you run though it.
  • Sure enough there's the horse. Being attacked by a couple of monsters. I click and hold the left mouse button on the monsters and my little Greek dude goes to work . This guy is a bad ass. Two on one and he doesn't even bat an eyelash.
  • The horse is saved and I make my way back to the guy at the shack. No reward but the tells me there are more people in the village down the road that need help. Shocking!
  • Once in the village I load up on quests and head back into the wilderness to click my way though Greek mythology.
This is going to be fun...


Am I impressed? Yes.
How come? Even though it's not, this is the follow up to Diablo I've been waiting for. I know it's cheap to compare a game to an older one and not on it's own merits but it's hard not to with Titan Quest. It doesn't really do anything new but the things it does, it does perfectly. It's the type of game that you just want to keep going and going to see whats next even though it never really strays from the formula put in place from the first level to the last.
There's tons of loot to pick up along the way and you'll constantly be swapping out your gear for something bigger and better. (once you realize you have to hold down the "x" key to see all the loot the baddies dropped)
Titan Quest hooked me early and didn't let go. Hours and hours in now I'm still clicking my way just to get to the next boss battle or town. Only to leave and do it all over again. If you enjoyed the Diablo games or are just looking for a nice RPG on your PC definitely check it out.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Enemy Territory: Quake Wars

fi_screen_etqw.jpg

Developer: Splash Damage
Publisher: Activision
Released on: October 2, 2007
System: Windows XP
ESRB Rating: T for Teen
Review based on: Beta 2, that's right a beta, not a demo but a non-representative-of-the-final-game beta. YMMV.
Official Website

The Scoop: It's a beta. Not a demo, or the final game, so grab your bag of salt and dump it all over these First Impressions.

Hitting Start...

  • ...oh wait, that didn't work. I'm trying to play offline before go online, but these menus for offline play don't actually do anything. Oh well.

  • I go online and the server browser populates VERY quickly giving me tons of servers to join. Not all of them are populated, but there's more than a few with a good amount of people.

  • I join a server and start running around like an idiot and BLAM. I'm dead... where did that come from? I have to hit space to enter the respawn queue? Oh sweet, I parachute into my base and get to see the battlefield a bit.

  • Too bad my video card sucks.

  • Every last person on this server seems to be way better than me, at everything, and there's lots of everything to be better at. Let me try being a rocket whore...

  • SPLAT

  • Let me try being a sniper....

  • SPLAT

  • Damn, the same guy just gibbed me twice with a railgun and I have no clue where he is.

  • SPLAT

  • That's three! *fuming*

  • Ok, let's try being regular old rifle infantry and just hide in the base. This time I manage to kill someone thru a window who was in an obviously damaged... flying... thing. Not being a Quake junkie I only know it's some sort of Strog-flying-thing that looks a little bit like Skeram from Warcraft.

  • SPLAT

  • That same guy just gibbed me thru the window. Let's try getting to a vehicle and just go go go until we die....

  • SPLAT into a rock, then a guard rail and then SPLAT, I'm dead from a railgun, again. This time I notice where it came from, so I get a sniper load out next time and try to go hunting. The guy is so far away that he's a single pixel now and getting my reticule on him is impossible.

  • Ok, let's try this, let's get rockets again and kill some vehicles since I can get a lock on them. I'm able to down a couple land vehicles and get a double kill on two guys that have been destroying me earlier. That feels pretty good.

  • I can see people around me trying to fulfill mission objectives while I flail around trying to understand ANYTHING about this game, but two years of Warcraft will atrophy the FPS skills into oblivion.

  • I manage a few more kills with the rifle while watching people fly around with little jetpacks, or in the Skeram-mobile or some sort of ATV dealie that looks like fun to drive...

  • SPLAT

  • I just got run over by one of those ATVs...

"...and I'm remembering, I'm a noob and it's just a beta!"

Am I impressed? If being a bit freaked out equals being impressed, then yes.
How come? There's enough here for the game at least be interesting and worth perusing when the demo comes out (or if an easily obtained beta ever goes public). The fact that the game does more than try to funnel people into one spot so they can kill each other (*cough*Battlefield*cough*) is pretty cool. You actually have to play your role and execute your tasks while playing a fast paced FPS. That is definitely worth noting and is worth playing this beta of a nearly incomprehensible game.

The learning curve is steep, but it was fun enough the first time around to go try again. However, if this thing where I keep dying and having no clue how I went from just fine to splatted in a blink, then I'm going to move on to something else. This is just a beta though. A beta.

Friday, August 3, 2007

Marathon: Durandal


Developer: Freeverse
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Released on: August 1, 2007
System Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: Mature
Review based on: Xbox Live Arcade demo

The Scoop: Halo's grandpa springs out of the retirement home to lay down some old school smack.

Hitting Start...

  • Some folks on the 'net are claiming that this game gives them motion-sickness. Pfffft...sissies!
  • Great music at the title screen; I like it! We're off to a good start already.
  • According to the loading screen, this game offers 7-player co-op in the single player campaign(!?) And to think we got all excited about the announcement of 4-player co-op in Halo 3. Eat it, Halo 3!
  • Argghheveryone's shooting! I spin around randomly and unload my pistol into the nearest wall.
  • Suddenly I'm all alone. Were those guys in the gray pj's friends or foes? I'm confused already.
  • Mmmm, boy. You gotta love them old-time textures.
  • I move into a big square room. Water, water everywhere...
  • The sound of the water in this room is making me want to pee!
  • As I move into another section, I spot a big alien carrying a spear and wearing a dress advancing towards me. Due to its slow speed, and two-frame walk animation, I'm not sure if it's friend or foe. I choose foe and open up with my pistol. First rule of video games: always shoot first and press A to talk later.
  • I feel a slight twinge in my stomach. Although, it could just be the beef n' bean burrito I had for lunch.
  • Encounter with another dress-wearing alien—this one attacks first! I love the animation—it's either stand up straight or lunge forward with spear. How deliciously retro!
  • Moving through another room. More aliens and more dudes in gray pajamas shooting at each other. I get nervous and immediately attack the nearest inanimate object. Everybody dies (no thanks to me.) So, is there any other weapons in this game besides "lame pistol" and "spiky-hand"?
  • Do not underestimate "spiky-hand"! I kill an alien with one well-timed blow and send it's pixelated carcass sliding back into a wall. I suddenly feel like Chuck Norris.
  • Starting to feel a little queasy here. I laugh it off.
  • According to a computer terminal, there's trouble with the water purification system (I guess that explains all the water). Ah-ha; this must be a clue to my first objective!
  • I'm beginning to see why Mac users back in the day considered this game superior to Doom. And all these years I figured the reason why they clung to that statement was to hide their anger and frustration at buying an inferior Macintosh computer.
  • I'm going to get hate mail for that Mac comment, aren't I?
  • Unusual Feature #1: Hitting X or Y snaps your character's view 90 degrees to the left or right. The reason for using this feature escapes me.
  • My surroundings look oddly familiar...oh cripes; I'm back where I started! Great, now I'm lost. :(
  • Want to make yourself sick? Hit X and Y multiple times in rapid succession...
...and I'm puking!!!

Am I impressed? I was...until I started to dry heave.
How come? Great FPS action from the 'golden days' of PC gaming. Young whippersnappers will scoff at the graphics and gameplay, but it'll be a big hit with the nostalgia crowd. Just get your hands on some Gravol® before trying to play it.

Just Cause (not just because!)


Developer: Avalanche Studios (SE)
Publisher: Eidos Interactive
Released on: September 26, 2006
System: Playstation 2, XBox, 360, PC
ESRB Rating: M (17+)
Review based on: Full retail version I purchased used at EB

Official Website

The Scoop: Antonio Banderas takes a GTA approach to fixing another country in turmoil

Hitting Start...

  • Ok I'm smashing buttons but nothing is happening! Oh wait that is because it’s a cinematic cut scene giving me the who, what, where and why's of the game in 2 minutes or less.
  • Ah that voice... I know that voice… it’s Antonio Banderas! Cool big name actor lending his voice to the game. It’s been done before but it is always a nice touch.
  • From the cut scene I've deducted I'm a kick ass special agent for the CIA or some other type of US agency. I've got the story down and I'm ready to rock!
  • The cinematic comes to an end and I'm jumping out of a perfectly good airplane! Very cool I'm parachuting down into a nice Hawaii type island far below.
  • I can use the joystick and buttons to control my ascent and even free fall, I like :)
  • I land short of the flashing red arrow where I was supposed to land (I assume) and now I'm swimming slowly to shore. I no like.
  • After what seems like a very long slow swim where the odd boat passed me I'm on shore and there is a gun battle going on with some baddies and a guy from the cut scene who I assume correctly is on my side
  • I run around and shoot a few guys - targeting is easy and blasting the guys is dead simple I like the auto target and shooting so far.
  • A new jeep flies onto the beach and more baddies jump out blasting. My new pal and I quickly dispatch them and he jumps into a jeep with a howitzer attached in the back of the jeep
  • The big gun is for me and I jump in the back and take up the beast and continue blasting as my compatriot guns the jeep away.
  • The gun is responsive and works like the hand guns for auto targeting - nice and easy
  • The driver is all over the road and the action is ramped up with jeeps and now helicopters coming in from all over at horrendous speeds. I'm shooting like a mad man; stuff is blowing up all over the place. I like
  • I finish blasting a few more helicopters and jeeps and we drive like crazed drunken teenagers over a bridge that is blown up by some fighter planes called in to assist. It reminds me of the movie True Lies and it happens in real time, there are no cut scenes the action doesn't skip a beat.
  • With the bridge blown my driver takes us down the road (and off road) to a motor home in the jungle, I see a motor bike I can ride, some guns and some power ups like health I can use as well as a handy save point.
  • I see another large flashing red arrow over the motor home showing me where I need to go next but I don’t have to which is cool.
  • I jump on the motor bike and go ripping off driving all over the place until I try to drive up a sheer cliff which doesn’t work at all. The controls are very arcade like reminds me of Grand Theft Auto (GTA) in that you are free to do what you want.
  • I see that I can do a lot of different things just playing around on the joystick and running around. In the space of 30 seconds I jumped off my motorbike and pulled my chute launching me into the sky, I landed from the chute onto the hood of a moving car, I then kicked the driver out of the car and began driving it, after which I jumped out of the car while it was still going, out of the drivers seat and up onto the hood again and then jumped onto the hood of another car driving the other direction… very cool it appears I can do a whole lot that you can't in GTA.
  • I see all my messing around has caused trouble and some law enforcement types are driving at me at high speeds so I drive back to my bike and rocket back to the red arrow I see in the distance showing me my next check point or area to advance the story.
  • I zip away on the bike and lose the pursuing police / army and I’m soon back to the motor home again where I found the bike. The bike is a lot of fun, loose controls but in a good way.
  • I wander around to a shed which has a first aid kit on the wall. Touching it and pushing the A button regains all my health
  • I see 2 guns in a barrel floating close by and like the health by touching them and hitting A I pick them up and with ammo boxes close by I can do the same to refill my ammunition for all the weapons I have on my person.
  • I walk by something that looks like a mini ATM machine that is a satellite uplink that allows me to save my game. I save and continue
  • I walk into the motor home and a new cut scene begins.
  • A new character – a beautiful strange woman is introduced and after she slaps my character I guess she isn’t a stranger but that story isn’t elaborated on other then to imply my Antonio character is a heathen womanizer (oh my!)
  • The cinematic continues to go into why we are on this island and the job we’ve got to do and how we are going to do it
  • I’m itching to get out of the cinematic and get back on my dirt bike and see what else I can do… I’m hooked


Am I impressed? Yes

How come? The game is very easy to control and is fun. It looks big and diverse Does it remind me of GTA? You bet it does but in a good way and I want to play.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Heavely Sword Demo

This is how the demo starts.

Developer: Ninja Theory
Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment
Released on: July 27th, 2007
System: Playstation 3
ESRB Rating: Rating Pending
Review based on: Demo download from the Playstation Network
Official Website

The Scoop: A little bit God of War, a little bit hack-and-slash brawler and a whole lotta red hair.

Hitting Start...

  • A cut scene starts the game with our heroin and her sister who has a thousand yard stare and something to say that I don't pay attention to, I wanna go kill something because my time is limited. I hit whatever buttons I need to hit to advance...

  • I can now run around for a bit and get used to the controls in a safe area; a shiny thing on the ground marks where I can move on to the next area and start playing. After a poking around the controls a bit (which seem nicely responsive) I hit the button to move on.

  • Off we jump onto one of four huge ropes and rail-slide down it like it's Jet Set Radio future.

  • Here's where the "cineractives" start, the camera cuts down to the bottom of the ropes and the bad guys yell out 'cut the ropes' so now we have to react to on screen prompts as we slide. Left, right, left.... and one last huge jump onto the top of a huge stone spire littered with bad guys.

  • I played this bit as a hack and slash since I don't really know any of the controls yet (there's no tutorial) but my buddy is telling me about the flashes of colors the enemies make and about stances, combos and special attacks. I don't really care because button mashing seems to be kicking some ass.

  • I failed to make one of the button pushes during the cineractive, so I have a mini-mini-boss on this platform to contend with too. All head-on attacks seem useless, but I execute a special attack on some guy where I slam my sword into his crotch and everyone goes flying! Woot!

  • Since I'm flailing a bit I'm also taking on a bunch of damage, but I can't tell if there is a health system like Virtua Fighter or like Rainbow 6 or whatever, it doesn't matter though when you get the camera to zoom in on some special attack like the crotch annihilator.

  • Everyone on the platform is dead and the next cineractive starts as you ride the huge crumbling spire (that was held up by the ropes) down to the ground. If you time the button click you land nicely like a cat or like a bag of rocks, I land like a bag of rocks.

  • Now it's time to dispatch a few more bad guys, and then three more, obviously tougher baddies run thru the doorway at you and you think "All right, a tough fight!"

  • And the demo is over, just like that...



"...and I want more, now!"

Am I impressed? Pleasantly.
How come? Even though the demo is utterly short, and I had only enough time to play thru it twice, I found myself thinking about the game several hours later, wanting to play more. I want to learn how to use the various move and stances and I really like the environments shown in the demo. The scale of the world shown to you at the beginning is huge for a game played on foot, so to speak. There's a lot of verticality and it looks like there's a ton of ground to cover.

The only concern I have right now is that it might be an ultra linear game where you just move from arena to arena and fight faceless enemies. The demo doesn't show you anything more than that unfortunately.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Tomb Raider Anniversary

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Developer: Crystal Dynamics
Publisher: Eidos Interactive
Released on: June 5, 2007
System: Games for Windows, Playstation 2
ESRB Rating: Teen
Review based on: Games for Windows (Downloaded from Steam)
Official Website

The Scoop: Lara Croft returns to her roots in this re imagining of the original Tomb Raider story.


Hitting Start...

  • Someone wants to hire Lara to find a mysterious artifact. Something about the lost city of Atlantis. I'm not paying the best attention though because Lara is rendered much better than she was in the 1996 original.
  • We are whisked away to a snowy mountain top in Peru. Poor Lara must be freezing in her now famous short shorts and blue tank top. You would think all the money she makes looting the riches from ancient tombs would afford her the comfort of a parka and some sensible boots.
  • Hey look at that. Lara has her very own Sherpa. At least he had the sense to wear a jacket and some mukluks.
  • The duo come to a large stone door in the mountain side. Numerous ledges and outcroppings dot the cliff surrounding the door. In classic Tomb Raider fashion it looks like I've got some work to do.
  • The gameplay is solid. Climbing and jumping from ledge to ledge isn't frustrating even if you don't always make it the first time. It's made even easier with a Xbox 360 USB controller. If you intend to go the PC route with TR:A I recommend trying it over the mouse and keyboard.
  • Finally I've guided Lara to a ledge over the door where the magic button is located. I push it and the large stone doors swing open. Ahhh victory.
  • Cutscene: three wolves waiting on the other side of the door spring out and kill my Sherpa. Those bastards. I tried to stop them. But it was too late. They're already gaging on the soles of his boots. If only he were smart enough to dress for action like Lara he might still be alive! ( Funny how hindsight works sometimes ain't it! )
  • The wolves dispatched and doors open Lara heads down into those deep dark caves one more time.
...I can't wait to see whats next.


Am I impressed? absolutely
How come? Crystal Dynamics provided the CPR that the Tomb Raider franchise needed last year with Tomb Raider Legend and it continues here. The gameplay is solid. The puzzles are tough but never impossible. And even though the graphics seems to be leaning more toward last gen than the current cycle there are still some really nice touches. It feels more like the Tomb Raider of old with the focus more on puzzles and acrobatics with the occasional firefight when you run into the animals and creatures lurking in the caves and jungles.

The Darkness


Developer: Starbreeze Studios
Publisher: 2K Games
Released on: June 25, 2007
System Xbox 360, Playstation 3
ESRB Rating: Mature
Review based on: Demo downloaded from Xbox Live.
Official Site

The Scoop: "Sopranos" meets "The Exorcist". Based on the comic book that I didn't bother to read.

Hitting Start...
  • A cutscene introduces my character: I'm Jackie, I'm Italian, and I'm a mobster. There's one racial stereotype that just won't die.
  • I'm in the backseat of a car driven by two of my "crew" who yak on and on about something I should be paying attention to (but I'm not). Just shut-up and give me my damn Darkness powers already!
  • "COPS!" Wha~! Where!? I can't turn around and look behind me! Is my character in a neck-brace or something?
  • I'm given a shotgun and told to use it. On what? Oncoming semi-trucks? I don't think that will get them out of our way.
  • The high-speed chase ends with our car being flipped. I get the same result every time I let the wife drive.
  • The demo skips ahead to level 3 (I think), a graveyard. I still don't have any Darkness powers yet, but at least I have a couple of gats! (That's what the kids call them, right?)
  • Attacked by hitmen—a lot of hitmen! I go down in a blaze of gunfire. Now, Darkness powers! Unleash your anger and avenge me!
  • Nope, no such luck; I'm just respawned back to the beginning of the level. :(
  • Hitmen attack again! Damn; Jackie aims like he's in the middle of schizophrenic fit! I go down again in a blaze of gunfire. It's not me; it's the controls!
  • New strategy: charge the hitmen with both guns blazing. It works! Bah, taking cover is for wimps!
  • Tip to remember: you can change weapons with the D-Pad. I imagine the shotgun is more effective at shooting fleshy targets, as opposed to the four-wheeled variety.
  • I somehow jerk-walk my way into a bathroom that is home to a bum. "This place smells like Satan's bunghole!" proclaims the bum. Heh, heh; I'll have to use that at the next office Christmas party.
  • I make my way back to the graveyard only to find more hitmen waiting for me. But what's this? Darkness powers unleashed! Finally!
  • So now I have demon-snakes growing out of me. "Consume the darkness to recharge your powers". What the hell is that supposed to mean?
  • Okay, I'm an idiot. "Consume the darkness" literally means stand in the shadows and your snakes will eat the darkness. Yeah, I know; it sounds dumb even as I type it.
  • I'm supposed to guide my snake through a grate so it can kill a guy in another room. Sounds cool...if only I could control my snake! (There's a joke in there somewhere.)
  • "Press A to devour heart". Sure, why not? It worked for my last girlfriend. Ba-zing!
  • My snakes are now eating hearts with reckless abandon. But for what purpose? I know not. But according to a pop-up counter, I have consumed 37.
  • I wasn't paying attention, but somehow I can summon demons that will attack my enemies. I really should get checked for Attention Deficit Disorder.
  • Okay, I figured it out. Arise demons, and attack!
  • I find the sight of my demon sawing off the head of my enemies with a hacksaw both disgusting and compelling at the same time.
  • More enemies! Demons attack!...I said attack! What the hell—where'd they go? These things part of a Union or something?
  • Killing these enemies is starting to get monotonous, and my Darkness powers aren't the impressive "force to be reckoned with" that I thought they would be. Not to mention the stiff controls—I wonder if the retail game is this bad....
...and I'm quitting!

Am I impressed? Not really.
How come? Poor controls, washed-out graphics, and a story that I did not find very compelling, no matter how many hearts I ate.