Project Gotham Racing 4

Developer: Bizarre Creations
Publisher: Microsoft
Released on: October 2, 2007
System: Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: E for Everyone
Review based on: Retail Copy
Official Website

The Scoop: When making the fourth iteration of game without the pressures of a console launch date you come up with this.

Hitting Start...

• The promo video got me excited every time I saw it on GameTrailers.com and now I have seen it in high def and 5.1 surround and I've got the chills.


• The menus are different and that's cool, but over all the 'feel' of PGR is in full effect here.


• Bizarre has said a few times that they hope people spend a lot of time in the new Career Mode, so I start there and get to choose a beater to race with.


• I don't win my first race, or even my second, but I mop them up in the third and start to get my racing thumbs back into shape. The first tracks look fantastic, they really do.


• After a few series of races I get my first invitational event but I don't realize it's a bowling game where my car is the ball. I lose by one cone and discover that I can't replay the event because these invitationals are win or lose and then they are gone, until next season (when ever that is). I'm disappointed.


• Now I have to race this old race car (which has no grip on hot clean asphalt) on the Nurburgring! Sweet, lots of sliding Kudos! Oh wait, it's snowing and I have to finish in 9 minutes?


• I crash into the wall hard near the entrance to the F1 circuit and I restart the event when it takes me 20 seconds to get out of the snow covered grass. A little bit annoyed I decide to show the Green Hell who's boss. Eight minutes and forty seconds later I win the race and have sore thumbs, but I press on.


• Quebec is gorgeous and the tracks have elevation changes! I love that, I really do (sorry Forza, you failed here).


• St Petersburg in the rain is brutal.


• Why the hell is it raining all the time... oh wait, because it looks awesome and mixes up thing really well in the races, that's why. It's gratuitous, but it's awesome.


• It's 1:30am...

"...and I've already racked up 435 gamerscore."

Am I impressed? Yes, I'm impressed that the fourth iteration of a game can be this fun and engaging so far. I have to admit that it's hard to see this as PGR4 and not PGR3.9 or PGR2 The Super Awesome Edition, especially after the first hour of the Career Mode started off kind of slow.
How come? It's a great game and I'm glad I bought it because it is a better version of its predecessor, much like Halo 3 is a better version Halo 2 (in many of the same ways, such as better graphics, better controls, more stuff sprinkled around all over the place.)

Age of Empires: The Age of Kings

Developer: Backbone Entertainment
Publisher: Majesco
Released on: February 14, 2006
System Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: E10+
Review based on: Rented retail copy.
Official Website

The Scoop: A turn-based port of the PC version of Age of Empires II: Age of Kings. Research technologies, advance out of the Dark Ages, build stuff, and smite your enemies!

Hitting Start...

• I'm lame, so I hit up the tutorial first off.
• The tutorial starts with me controlling the French and their "heroine" Joan of Arc. I try to stifle my enthusiasm.
• The first part of the tutorial is pretty basic—learn to move your units. Instructions are provided to me by my comrade, Jean de Metz. I like the art style; the portrait of Jean de Metz looks like a medieval tapestry.
• I don't like the unit graphics. They look a little deformed. I know inbreeding was big during the time, but come on!
• Moving units is a simple affair: touch the unit with the stylus and select where you want it to move. Terrain affects movement as well as your attack strength. Aha! Strategic elements are starting to bubble to the surface.
• My primary goal is to move my units to the city of Chifon. Aside from primary goals, each scenario has bonus goals that when met, unlock "Empire Points", which you use to buy stuff that should have been unlocked right from the get go.
• Enemy militia are blocking the river—attack Joan! My calvary gets a combat bonus because it is attacking from flat terrain. An animation of the two sides battling plays in the top screen. The graphics are hideous. And for some reason, it reports that I have killed all the militia, yet two of them remain standing in the top screen. Maybe I took them prisoner?
• I finally reach Chifon. "I have never taken so long to ride to Chifon before!" Shut-up Jean.
• I continue on with the tutorial. Now I'm learning how to use different types of units. Some units are better at fighting certain units, and they get a bonus. For example, spearmen get a bonus when attacking calvary. Siege units get a bonus when attacking cities. Combine that with terrain bonuses and you have a hearty little strategy game here. I like it!
• Jean: "You ride well for a peasant girl." Uhhh..thanks? (What's this game rated again?)
• Now I'm learning about using my villagers to construct unit-training buildings. This game feels a lot like the PC version of Age of Empires, but in a turn-based form. I'm liking this.
• Time to select a technology to research. Gotta pick "The Loom"! How the hell can we all be snazzy dressers without that?!
• Now I am tasked to bitch-slap the English. "I shall fart in your general direction!"
  
• I research a couple of more techs, and I "Age Up" to the next age.
  
• I can see a problem with units becoming too crowded on the map screen. When they are bunched together, it's hard to pick the one you want. It's equally hard to tell it to move to the right square. Thank God there's an "Undo Move" option.
• I've built some archers, spearmen, men-at-arms, and I have Joan. Time to get all "Napoleon" on their ass! "My loyal Frenchman....SURRENDER! I mean...ATTACK!"

...and I want to keep beating on the bloody English!

Am I impressed? Oui! Tres impressed!
How come? Great turn-based strategy game; a large number of units; lots of techs to research; and it has wireless and hotseat multiplayer.

Trauma Center: Under the Knife

Developer: Atlus
Publisher: Atlus
Released on: October 4, 2005
System Nintendo DS
ESRB Rating: Teen (T)
Review based on: Rented retail copy.
Official Website

The Scoop: Play "Doctor" and operate on helpless victims patients.

Hitting Start...

• Hope Hospital: where the patients need to "hope" I don't botch their surgery (ha ha).
  
• A bad car accident means I get to try my hand at my first "operation". Yay!
• The bottom DS screen shows the patients arm, which is filled with glass shards. I'm supposed to remove the glass shards and suture the wounds. I'm sounding like a Doctor already!
• My helpful nurse on the top screen tells me what do to. She's like my wife that way. Select the forceps tool and use the stylus to pull out the glass shards. Eezy-peezy.
• You didn't say I had to pull them out in a certain direction! Whoops!
• I dropped the glass shard back onto the patient rather than in the surgical tray. Now my nurse is yelling at me. Sheesh! Cut me some slack; it's my first day!
  
• Ewwww, blood! I have to select the suction tool to suck up the excess blood. Drawing the stylus upwards vacuums up the blood. Sluuuuurp!
  
• Alright, I've taken care of the shards, now to suture the wounds. Select the suture tool and draw a zigzag pattern over the wound. No problem.
• Somehow, something as simple as drawing a "zigzag", is beyond my capabilities. No wonder my Mom told me to forget about med school.
• Managed to close up the wound, but my nurse is really letting me have it now. Chill out *@$#%!
• "Vitals dropping" Oh crap, this is getting intense! Need to move fast and seal up these other wounds.
• The patients vitals are low, but I can "boost" them back up by injecting the patient with some green stuff. I need some green stuff right about now. I like how you have to use the stylus to "draw" the fluid into the syringe. This game makes great use of the touchscreen controls.
• Now I have to remove glass shards that are within the patient's arm. Scalpel time!
• I select the antibiotic gel and rub it on the incision area with the stylus. Then I select the scalpel and draw a straight incision. Steady....steady!
• The view "zooms in" to the opened arm where I can see more glass shards. Now that I know what I'm doing, I make quick work of those. My nurse thinks I'm great.
• Time to close up. I suture the incision on my first try. My nurse is ecstatic.
  
• I rub gel into the stitches and then bandage the wound with the stylus. Operation complete!
• My score is tallied and the game rates my performance. I get a "C - Rookie Doctor". Come on, at least I didn't KILL him!

...send in the next patient!

Am I impressed? I am clinically impressed.
How come? Fun game, great use of the touchscreen, and some intense moments. And there's something inherently cool about cutting open people and removing things.

Marathon: Durandal

Developer: Freeverse
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Released on: August 1, 2007
System Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: Mature
Review based on: Xbox Live Arcade demo

The Scoop: Halo's grandpa springs out of the retirement home to lay down some old school smack.

Hitting Start...

• Some folks on the 'net are claiming that this game gives them motion-sickness. Pfffft...sissies!
• Great music at the title screen; I like it! We're off to a good start already.
• According to the loading screen, this game offers 7-player co-op in the single player campaign(!?) And to think we got all excited about the announcement of 4-player co-op in Halo 3. Eat it, Halo 3!
• Argghh—everyone's shooting! I spin around randomly and unload my pistol into the nearest wall.
  
• Suddenly I'm all alone. Were those guys in the gray pj's friends or foes? I'm confused already.
• Mmmm, boy. You gotta love them old-time textures.
  
• I move into a big square room. Water, water everywhere...
• The sound of the water in this room is making me want to pee!
• As I move into another section, I spot a big alien carrying a spear and wearing a dress advancing towards me. Due to its slow speed, and two-frame walk animation, I'm not sure if it's friend or foe. I choose foe and open up with my pistol. First rule of video games: always shoot first and press A to talk later.
• I feel a slight twinge in my stomach. Although, it could just be the beef n' bean burrito I had for lunch.
• Encounter with another dress-wearing alien—this one attacks first! I love the animation—it's either stand up straight or lunge forward with spear. How deliciously retro!
• Moving through another room. More aliens and more dudes in gray pajamas shooting at each other. I get nervous and immediately attack the nearest inanimate object. Everybody dies (no thanks to me.) So, is there any other weapons in this game besides "lame pistol" and "spiky-hand"?
  
• Do not underestimate "spiky-hand"! I kill an alien with one well-timed blow and send it's pixelated carcass sliding back into a wall. I suddenly feel like Chuck Norris.
• Starting to feel a little queasy here. I laugh it off.
• According to a computer terminal, there's trouble with the water purification system (I guess that explains all the water). Ah-ha; this must be a clue to my first objective!
• I'm beginning to see why Mac users back in the day considered this game superior to Doom. And all these years I figured the reason why they clung to that statement was to hide their anger and frustration at buying an inferior Macintosh computer.
• I'm going to get hate mail for that Mac comment, aren't I?
• Unusual Feature #1: Hitting X or Y snaps your character's view 90 degrees to the left or right. The reason for using this feature escapes me.
• My surroundings look oddly familiar...oh cripes; I'm back where I started! Great, now I'm lost. :(
  
• Want to make yourself sick? Hit X and Y multiple times in rapid succession...
  

...and I'm puking!!!

Am I impressed? I was...until I started to dry heave.
How come? Great FPS action from the 'golden days' of PC gaming. Young whippersnappers will scoff at the graphics and gameplay, but it'll be a big hit with the nostalgia crowd. Just get your hands on some Gravol® before trying to play it.

Tomb Raider Anniversary

Developer: Crystal Dynamics
Publisher: Eidos Interactive
Released on: June 5, 2007
System: Games for Windows, Playstation 2
ESRB Rating: Teen
Review based on: Games for Windows (Downloaded from Steam)
Official Website

The Scoop: Lara Croft returns to her roots in this re imagining of the original Tomb Raider story.


Hitting Start...

• Someone wants to hire Lara to find a mysterious artifact. Something about the lost city of Atlantis. I'm not paying the best attention though because Lara is rendered much better than she was in the 1996 original.
  
• We are whisked away to a snowy mountain top in Peru. Poor Lara must be freezing in her now famous short shorts and blue tank top. You would think all the money she makes looting the riches from ancient tombs would afford her the comfort of a parka and some sensible boots.
• Hey look at that. Lara has her very own Sherpa. At least he had the sense to wear a jacket and some mukluks.
  
• The duo come to a large stone door in the mountain side. Numerous ledges and outcroppings dot the cliff surrounding the door. In classic Tomb Raider fashion it looks like I've got some work to do.
• The gameplay is solid. Climbing and jumping from ledge to ledge isn't frustrating even if you don't always make it the first time. It's made even easier with a Xbox 360 USB controller. If you intend to go the PC route with TR:A I recommend trying it over the mouse and keyboard.
• Finally I've guided Lara to a ledge over the door where the magic button is located. I push it and the large stone doors swing open. Ahhh victory.
• Cutscene: three wolves waiting on the other side of the door spring out and kill my Sherpa. Those bastards. I tried to stop them. But it was too late. They're already gaging on the soles of his boots. If only he were smart enough to dress for action like Lara he might still be alive! ( Funny how hindsight works sometimes ain't it! )
• The wolves dispatched and doors open Lara heads down into those deep dark caves one more time.
  

...I can't wait to see whats next.


Am I impressed? absolutely
How come? Crystal Dynamics provided the CPR that the Tomb Raider franchise needed last year with Tomb Raider Legend and it continues here. The gameplay is solid. The puzzles are tough but never impossible. And even though the graphics seems to be leaning more toward last gen than the current cycle there are still some really nice touches. It feels more like the Tomb Raider of old with the focus more on puzzles and acrobatics with the occasional firefight when you run into the animals and creatures lurking in the caves and jungles.

The Darkness

Developer: Starbreeze Studios
Publisher: 2K Games
Released on: June 25, 2007
System Xbox 360, Playstation 3
ESRB Rating: Mature
Review based on: Demo downloaded from Xbox Live.
Official Site

The Scoop: "Sopranos" meets "The Exorcist". Based on the comic book that I didn't bother to read.

Hitting Start...

• A cutscene introduces my character: I'm Jackie, I'm Italian, and I'm a mobster. There's one racial stereotype that just won't die.
• I'm in the backseat of a car driven by two of my "crew" who yak on and on about something I should be paying attention to (but I'm not). Just shut-up and give me my damn Darkness powers already!
  
• "COPS!" Wha~! Where!? I can't turn around and look behind me! Is my character in a neck-brace or something?
• I'm given a shotgun and told to use it. On what? Oncoming semi-trucks? I don't think that will get them out of our way.
• The high-speed chase ends with our car being flipped. I get the same result every time I let the wife drive.
• The demo skips ahead to level 3 (I think), a graveyard. I still don't have any Darkness powers yet, but at least I have a couple of gats! (That's what the kids call them, right?)
• Attacked by hitmen—a lot of hitmen! I go down in a blaze of gunfire. Now, Darkness powers! Unleash your anger and avenge me!
• Nope, no such luck; I'm just respawned back to the beginning of the level. :(
• Hitmen attack again! Damn; Jackie aims like he's in the middle of schizophrenic fit! I go down again in a blaze of gunfire. It's not me; it's the controls!
• New strategy: charge the hitmen with both guns blazing. It works! Bah, taking cover is for wimps!
• Tip to remember: you can change weapons with the D-Pad. I imagine the shotgun is more effective at shooting fleshy targets, as opposed to the four-wheeled variety.
• I somehow jerk-walk my way into a bathroom that is home to a bum. "This place smells like Satan's bunghole!" proclaims the bum. Heh, heh; I'll have to use that at the next office Christmas party.
• I make my way back to the graveyard only to find more hitmen waiting for me. But what's this? Darkness powers unleashed! Finally!
• So now I have demon-snakes growing out of me. "Consume the darkness to recharge your powers". What the hell is that supposed to mean?
• Okay, I'm an idiot. "Consume the darkness" literally means stand in the shadows and your snakes will eat the darkness. Yeah, I know; it sounds dumb even as I type it.
• I'm supposed to guide my snake through a grate so it can kill a guy in another room. Sounds cool...if only I could control my snake! (There's a joke in there somewhere.)
• "Press A to devour heart". Sure, why not? It worked for my last girlfriend. Ba-zing!
• My snakes are now eating hearts with reckless abandon. But for what purpose? I know not. But according to a pop-up counter, I have consumed 37.
• I wasn't paying attention, but somehow I can summon demons that will attack my enemies. I really should get checked for Attention Deficit Disorder.
• Okay, I figured it out. Arise demons, and attack!
• I find the sight of my demon sawing off the head of my enemies with a hacksaw both disgusting and compelling at the same time.
  
• More enemies! Demons attack!...I said attack! What the hell—where'd they go? These things part of a Union or something?
  
• Killing these enemies is starting to get monotonous, and my Darkness powers aren't the impressive "force to be reckoned with" that I thought they would be. Not to mention the stiff controls—I wonder if the retail game is this bad....

...and I'm quitting!

Am I impressed? Not really.
How come? Poor controls, washed-out graphics, and a story that I did not find very compelling, no matter how many hearts I ate.

Condemned: Criminal Origins

Developer: Monolith Productions
Publisher: Sega
Released on: November 15, 2005
System Xbox 360, PC
ESRB Rating: Mature
Review based on: Demo downloaded from Xbox Live.

The Scoop: Investigate crime scenes with high-tech forensic tools—just like Grissom from CSI! And you also get to bash in the skulls of crack addicts with a lead pipe (not like Grissom.)

Hitting Start...

• I like the intro; it reminds me of the movie "Seven". Nice way to set the tone of the game. It's grabbed me already!
• The game is an FPS and it starts with my character talking to a couple of fellow cops in an abandoned building. Oh boy, my first crime scene! Ok let's see; there's a woman lying on the floor...I'll say, she's dead? Open and shut case!
• I have to examine the body to determine cause of death. Using a cool-looking infrared camera doohickey reveals a fluorescent blob on the victim's neck. I focus in and take a snapshot, which is then sent to the lab (via my cool cell phone) for immediate analysis. Ah-ha! Death by strangulation!
  
• Further investigation of the crime scene reveals that the suspect is a known serial killer. I really like where this game is going. The atmosphere is great, and it's done a great job of pulling me in so far.
• The killer is still in the building? Time to bust ass! Wait, I have to stay here and restore power to the building while the two cops chase after the bad guy? Awww....
• Boy, my character is one ugly dude. :(
  
• Armed with my gun and flashlight, I venture into the dark building. As I start making my way down a dark corridor, I see movement!
• "Come out peacefully or I will use deadly force!" Hey—I plan to use deadly force either way!
• Bum-rushed by a crack-head! He eats a slug from my sidearm and crumples to the floor, his blood splashed all over the wall. I don't know what it is about this game, but it has a very 'realistic' feel to it. I like it!
• Venturing further, another crack-head. This one didn't even get a warning. Police brutality, anyone?
• I hit Y to reload my gun, only to realize that it doesn't actually get reloaded. Instead, my character checks the amount of rounds in the gun. According to the game, I'm limited to the ammunition that is found in weapons. Hmmm...I'm going to have to be a little bit more conservative with my ammo and quit hosing down these perps with a steady stream of lead. Very interesting game concept...
  
• Okay, I found the fuse box, but flipping the switch caused me to get blown off my feet. The killer took my gun! Joke's on him—I had only one round left! Ha!
  
• I'm on my feet now armed only with my flashlight. The game is telling me to rip a 2x4 or pipe from the wall and use it as a weapon. For real?! This game is crazy!
• I rip a lead pipe from the wall; now I'm ready for action! Hit RT to swing, LT to block. Okay, got it. Bring on the psychos!
• It's really dark in here and my flashlight keeps flickering. I keep hearing people running around, but I can't see anything. What's that?! A box just fell over and I hear running footsteps! Great use of audio and lighting—I'm normally not a wuss, but I'm actually quite freaked out now! (Okay, I am a wuss.)
  
• Another crack-head leaps out from around a dark corner and attacks me with a 2x4, giving me a slight heart attack in the process. I swing my pipe, and with a sickening wet "thunk" sound, I send him sprawling. I've never been in a pipe-fight with a crack-head before, so I can't speak from experience, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the developers did a great job of recreating the brutality of burying a pipe into someone's noggin. Hey, the details matter!
• Why did I choose to play this game with the lights off? :(
  
• Another nut case jumps out of the shadows and attacks! I think I've soiled myself. I finish him off, but not before I take several good shots from him. I've realized that you can't just keep the block trigger held down; you have to time it just right.
• Okay, I think I got a good rhythm going here: block, swing, block, swing—seriously, it's more intense then it sounds!
• "Press A to move object". Sure, why not. Moving an old file cabinet reveals a pump-action shotgun. Cha-ching! A quick check of the ammo reveals three rounds; gotta make 'em count.
• Hey, I can toggle between firing the shotgun, or using it as club! The developers thought of everything!
• After burning through my shotgun rounds, I rip a piece of conduit off the wall. Shopping at Home Depot will never be the same after this.
• I notice that each time I pick up a new hunk of board or pipe, a little pop-up window appears, displaying the weapon's stats (speed, power, block, etc.) It seems like each weapon has its pros and cons.
• It's slow, but I pull a fire axe out of the wall to use as my next weapon.
• I get jumped from behind, but I whip around and flatten the scumbag with a well-placed axe swing. Buddy hits the ground dead. Hey, he AXED for it! Ha!
• What the hell, the serial killer gets the jump on me and sticks a gun in my face! "...don't mess this up for us. We are on the same path of righteousness." Considerings all the people I just axe-and-pipe murdered, he ain't that far off!
• My fellow cops arrive to save me....and are promptly shot by the killer. Hey wait a second...my gun had only one round in it!
  
• The killer punches me in the gut and then throws me out a window. I land on parked car, and the demo comes to an end. What an intense 20 minutes! I left a big grease stain on my couch...

...but I want to keep playing!

Am I impressed? Very!
How come? Great atmosphere; the sound and visuals do an excellent job of immersing you into a dark and gritty experience; intense, edge of your seat hand-to-hand combat; the CSI tools are fun to use!

Welcome to First Impressions

Like you, I enjoy playing video and computer games, but I don't have a lot of time to spare. I'm married with a child, own a house, have a full time job, have a cat that constantly pukes hairballs—I've got a busy life!

Don't you hate it when you’re playing through a game that feels more like work than fun, only to have your buddy tell you "just get past level 3, man; it gets better after that!"

Screw that! A good game will be fun as soon as you hit the start button! Why waste your time drudging through crap only to "hope" the game gets better? If games don't grab you in the first few minutes, then they have failed to bring you an enjoyable experience!

That's why we created this blog. Our plan: play through the first part of a game and post our thoughts. If it doesn’t grab our attention right away, then it gets turfed. But if it makes a good first impression, then we will deem the game “worthy of our (and your) time”.

Hey, it’s like life…it’s all about making a great FIRST IMPRESSION!

Hope you enjoy the site – we hope to have our first review soon!