Marathon: Durandal

Developer: Freeverse
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
Released on: August 1, 2007
System Xbox 360
ESRB Rating: Mature
Review based on: Xbox Live Arcade demo

The Scoop: Halo's grandpa springs out of the retirement home to lay down some old school smack.

Hitting Start...

• Some folks on the 'net are claiming that this game gives them motion-sickness. Pfffft...sissies!
• Great music at the title screen; I like it! We're off to a good start already.
• According to the loading screen, this game offers 7-player co-op in the single player campaign(!?) And to think we got all excited about the announcement of 4-player co-op in Halo 3. Eat it, Halo 3!
• Argghh—everyone's shooting! I spin around randomly and unload my pistol into the nearest wall.
  
• Suddenly I'm all alone. Were those guys in the gray pj's friends or foes? I'm confused already.
• Mmmm, boy. You gotta love them old-time textures.
  
• I move into a big square room. Water, water everywhere...
• The sound of the water in this room is making me want to pee!
• As I move into another section, I spot a big alien carrying a spear and wearing a dress advancing towards me. Due to its slow speed, and two-frame walk animation, I'm not sure if it's friend or foe. I choose foe and open up with my pistol. First rule of video games: always shoot first and press A to talk later.
• I feel a slight twinge in my stomach. Although, it could just be the beef n' bean burrito I had for lunch.
• Encounter with another dress-wearing alien—this one attacks first! I love the animation—it's either stand up straight or lunge forward with spear. How deliciously retro!
• Moving through another room. More aliens and more dudes in gray pajamas shooting at each other. I get nervous and immediately attack the nearest inanimate object. Everybody dies (no thanks to me.) So, is there any other weapons in this game besides "lame pistol" and "spiky-hand"?
  
• Do not underestimate "spiky-hand"! I kill an alien with one well-timed blow and send it's pixelated carcass sliding back into a wall. I suddenly feel like Chuck Norris.
• Starting to feel a little queasy here. I laugh it off.
• According to a computer terminal, there's trouble with the water purification system (I guess that explains all the water). Ah-ha; this must be a clue to my first objective!
• I'm beginning to see why Mac users back in the day considered this game superior to Doom. And all these years I figured the reason why they clung to that statement was to hide their anger and frustration at buying an inferior Macintosh computer.
• I'm going to get hate mail for that Mac comment, aren't I?
• Unusual Feature #1: Hitting X or Y snaps your character's view 90 degrees to the left or right. The reason for using this feature escapes me.
• My surroundings look oddly familiar...oh cripes; I'm back where I started! Great, now I'm lost. :(
  
• Want to make yourself sick? Hit X and Y multiple times in rapid succession...
  

...and I'm puking!!!

Am I impressed? I was...until I started to dry heave.
How come? Great FPS action from the 'golden days' of PC gaming. Young whippersnappers will scoff at the graphics and gameplay, but it'll be a big hit with the nostalgia crowd. Just get your hands on some Gravol® before trying to play it.